The Discovery
by jamie55
Summary: Barney falls in love, the kids wonder why their dad's punishing them, there's the summer of '08, Barney and Lily talk, Ted's bachelor party, a mystery note, drunkenness, Future Barney&Robin and almost no Japan. But it's still WIP.
1. Chapter 1

The Discovery

Title: The Discovery

Author: jamie55

Rating: PG, to be safe.

Spoiler: post season 3

Characters: Barney, Robin, Ted with Stella mentioned, Marshall and Lily too, of course, and future Ted and his kids too (it's narrated).

Summary: Apparently episode 1 of season 4 of "How I met your Mother" is described as: "Stella has to give Ted an answer. Barney wants to say something to Robin"; here's one (one of my) interpretation.

Author's note: I FINALLY edited () and am now somewhat sick of it after re-reading it 50 times over but yaaayy! Also this will be continued, and I've had a lot of complaints, from the patient people who beta'ed this, about transition so I hope it's clear. Thank you hyanthian, loveableme87, and cinaed, who are on lj, and Haley's Comet. Also this is going be continued, already got chapter 2. Did I mention how happy I am that I finished editing.

_"Now kids, as I was saying, your uncle Barney and I were both in the hospital. I had been in a cab which got hit by a car, but was miraculously unharmed; while Barney was in a full body cast. We made up and became friends again, well brothers actually, and then I went to see Stella."_

"Will you marry me?" Ted asked Stella.

_"Your uncle Barney wasn't as lucky in his accident, but he survived. And, nine days later, he made an interesting discovery."_

Barney awoke in his hospital bed. It was pretty late in the afternoon -though he had a hard time knowing that since the blinds were closed and the lights had been turned off. But Marshall and Lily had just walked in and switched the lights on so he didn't have much of a choice other than to wake up.

"Ughh..."

"Afternoon Mr. Stinson." Marshall said in his giddy (and totally masculine) lawyer voice. Barney blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the new light, while Lily opened the blinds letting even more light in.

"What time is it?" he said, still half asleep and kind of grumpy.

"It's five o'clock, you know what that mean?" Lily was just as cheerful as her husband.

"Quitting time?" Barney asked slightly curious at their good mood.

"Well yeah that too... But I meant that the news is on." She said pointing to the TV. She walked onto the other side of his bed to get the remote before returning to her seat next to Marshall.

"So Barney," Marshall said to his friend who instinctively turned his head away from the television, "How've you been?"

"Are you kidding, I get all the drugs I want and sponge baths. It's awesome. News's on." He ended as the typical theme music played and introduced Robin, her co-anchor, the sports guy and the weather girl.

"In today's news a dog rescues his neighbour and her feline companion from a house fire." Scherbatsky's voice came out confidently from the old television set on the hanging on the wall across from Barney's bed. He couldn't help but grin at her ability to make even the most ridiculous news sound important.

And so the three of them, Marshall, Lily and Barney, watched the news of the day; after which they did the same thing they would have done at the bar (minus the beer and alcohol). They talked about their day, shared jokes, stories and whatnot.

"So what's new with you guys?"

"Oh you know the usual-- Marshall got a job!" Lily joyfully released the news, she and Marshall had decided not to tell anyone until they were sure but then again, who were they kidding? They couldn't keep a secret.

"Congratulations, employment-five!" Barney said excitedly, he felt his hand tremor after the high-five but maintained his composure, most of it at least.

"Oh sorry." Marshall said seeing he hit his friend a little too hard.

"Worth it." he said with a wince, "So where's the job?"

"Well technically they didn't hire me yet."

"What? I let you employment-high-five me! Do you not realize the value of that? Marshall a high five is sacred."

"Well... It's a job interview, but I am going to get it."

"Really?"

"Yes. Maybe. Absolutely, and when I do get the job, 'cause I will, I'll be working for a manufacturing company."

"What do they manufacture?"

"...stuff..."

"You don't know do you?"

"They make plenty of things." Lily jumped in to try and defend her husband. "And besides you never tell us what you do for a living."

Barney laughed "Please, you might not know what I do, but I do, which is more than you can say." He was right, and as great a lawyer Marshall was and as much as they argued about, he couldn't find a good argument against that (except that he will find out and that, more importantly, it is a job), so they changed the topic.

Lily explained to him a hilarious (or what she, and Marshall, thought was hilarious) story about a kindergartener's misadventures with a permanent marker, that's when her cell phone rang.

"Hello? Hy Ted! No we're visiting Barney, didn't you check the new schedule I made? Yeah I put it on the fridge. Oh you're at Stella's..." she stopped looking at Barney strangely before telling them both she would take the call outside so that Marshall could finish telling Barney the story and that she'd be right back. Marshall watched Lily leave the room then, eyes wide, looked back at Barney and nervously chuckled before he fell silent for a second too long.

"Marshall?"

"What? Oh right so uhmm Jerry had the cap off and he decided that it smelled good really good so he-"

"Marshall that story stopped being interesting the minute Lily said 'A kindergartener learned the difference between coloring inside and outside the line.'" After a slight hesitation Marshall replied.

"Okay but don't tell Lily; she thinks it's a really cute story."

"Yeah it's adorable. Why did Lily run out?"

"She didn't run out."

"Dude she ran."

"Did not." He murmured.

"Tell me what you know." Barney said using his interrogation techniques.

"You'll never get me to talk!" He said suddenly jumping from his seat, while keeping his voice as steady and calm as Barney's.

"I have my ways. Now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Start talking." They had a stare off until Lily came back in. He and Lily held a speedy silent conversation full of head tilting and a multicolor of facial expressions ending with a gasp from Lily's mouth. She turned back to Barney told him quite sternly, as if he were 5 years old:

"No no, Barney. You can't know, so don't even ask because the answer is NO."

"Why not?" He pouted, "I'm stuck here all day with nothing to do. Worse than that I... It's really starting to get to me, that's right I admit it. The barnacle has finally met his match; I'm incapable of doing anything."

"Ohh it's ok." She tried to comfort him.

"No it's not, I almost died Lily. I could have... But I was lucky. It'll take months of physical therapy just so I'll be able to walk and write normally." After a pause for emphasis and to make sure his speech was taking its full effect on Lily, it was; he turned his puppy dog stare onto Marshall.

"Marshall, you and Ted, and James, you're my brothers. And I'm honored to be yours." His voice cracked and he even sniffles a bit.

"No Barney, I'm honored. You're so brave." Marshall said while giving him another hug.

"Aww..."

"So Lily... as my sister-in-law... tell me, why did you run out of the room."

"No Barney."

"Why not!" He snapped back to his regular self suspiciously quickly.

"It's bad for your health."

"Lily I'm already in a full body cast. How much more damage could you possibly do?"

"No." Lily and Marshall stood a solid front determine to ward off any attempt he made to discover what would probably cause him great mental distress, that is until Marshall cracked.

"Ted asked Stella to marry him"

"Marshall!"

"I'm sorry baby, it just came out. I couldn't help it. He's my brother." They turned from one another to Barney who remained perfectly calm.

"Is that all?" The couple quickly held a telepathic conversation and turned back to Barney, they didn't want to miss what he would do.

Maybe he didn't correctly hear what you said, Lily thought to Marshall.

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah, Ted popped the question."

Maybe it was a delayed reaction.

"He told me about earlier." He had lost almost all sense of time, almost... there was after all a clock in his room, that plus there was one visitor whose schedule he had basically memorized.

"Maybe it's the drugs." Lily said to Marshall.

"How many drugs did they give you?" Lily perplex repeated her question to Barney.

"Not enough Lily, not enough. Anyway she hasn't even answered him yet. Which is partially why he told me."

--

**Earlier when Ted was visiting Barney...**

Ted was sitting next to Barney's bed telling him his day and as they laughed together about something his cell phone rang. He took a look at the number and told Barney he had to take it.

"I've been waiting for this call." Barney nodded still giggling about their joke about the something.

"Hey. No I'm just visiting Barney. So uhmm did you? No it's cool. Right. Sure. No I know, it's a big decision, I just thought you might have- but no pressure. Test run? Okay sure we'll talk about it over dinner. Tonight? Great! I'll be over at 7. Alright. Love you too. Bye." click Of course Barney couldn't help but listen in despite Ted attempt to whisper and to muffle his voice.

"Was that Stella?"

"Humm?" Ted distractedly said. "Why would you think it was Stella?"

"You said 'love you too' and 'see you at 7'. It was either Stella, or you and Lily and Marshall have been spending way too much uncensored time together." When Ted tried to but couldn't answer he knew he was right.

"So it was Stella. What's the big news?"

"What do you mean?"

"'No I know it's a big decision I just thought you might have.'" Barney said mimicking Ted's tone and voice, with added emphasis.

"I don't sound like that." But Barney ignored his response and continued.

"Ted come on, I might be in the hospital but I'm not stupid. And don't think I haven't figured out your 'codes', if you can even call them that." If Barney had used such awful codes at work the Chinese would never have been able to hold the 2008 Olympics.

"Codes?" Ted wanted to sound confident that he didn't know what Barney was talking about, but he did.

--

**Back to Lily and Marshall's visit to Barney**

"You know about our codes?"

scoff/laugh "please, Lily, your 'codes'; yeah, they suck." Marshall and Lily looked at each other remembering the codes they came up with the night Ted proposed to Stella.

--

**The night Ted proposed to Stella...**

The gang, with the exception of the hospitalized Barney, were taking in everything that had happened today. Ted had just explained how Stella wanted to think about everything before she gave him and answer, which was a perfectly reasonable request.

His friends seemed divided on their opinions.

Lily was excited, nervous and a bit confused, so she said: "Oh my god Ted. You two just broke up and now, but wow. Marriage? I... Baby what do you think?"

"Well baby I think it's great", he started off, "it's great Ted if you really do love her, that's great. But-"

"But come on Ted marriage!" Lily cut him off, "You two just broke up! She has a kid! You've only been dating for what two and half months? What'll happen if things don't work out or if-"

"Lily.." Marshall gently pulled her back down to her seat, she was starting to get out of control and Ted was starting to feel its effect. Robin however hadn't said a word and seemed to be distracted by something else but snapped back into the conversation when Lily had begun her mini-rampage.

She should have some sort of reaction to this, after all she and Ted had dated, he was even the first person she'd ever said 'I love you' to. But she didn't really feel anything that was more then what a friend would feel, their relationship had ended over a year ago and they had both moved on. She was glad he thought he found 'the one' but...

"Look I know it's not the brightest thing I've done, but I do love her and Lucy, and she loves me. Besides she hasn't even given me an answer so... it might not happen..." He said the last more quietly and pondered on the subject as the room grew quiet. Lily was about to say something to try and make him feel better when Robin spoke first.

"We can't tell Barney." Robin said, it was the first thing she said since they got kicked out of his hospital room.

"Barney?" The thought hadn't occurred to Ted. Barney his friend, well best friend (no that's right his brother), would hate the idea of him getting married and of losing his wing-man, again.

"He almost died today, and hearing 'that' might push him over the edge."

"He would be really upset but I don't think-" Marshall started to talk however Robin cut him off before he could finish.

"The doctor said not to stress him out, she said that that could severely affect his recovery and it might even throw him into depression."

"Yeah but-" Again Marshall got cut off, this time Robin scared him a bit and he kept quiet longer.

"No buts, he's gonna be stuck in that bed for a long time and he doesn't need any more bad news."

"Bad news?"

"You know what I mean Ted."

"Alright Robin what do you suggest we do. What happens if Stella calls me while I'm there or if she visits him with me? We can't hide it forever, especially not these two." He said pointing towards Lily and Marshall.

"We can so." One look from Robin though destroyed that defense and Marshall went back to shutting up.

"Well maybe we can't." Lily finished for him, "So what do we do? Not visit him?"

"No you have to visit him; he'd be suspicious if you didn't..." Robin trailed of thinking of poor Barney alone; he'd be crushed if his friends abandoned him, again.

"We'll use codes" She said decidedly.

"Codes?"

--

**Forward to Ted's visit with Barney...**

"Codes." Barney said, "I know that you all have been using codes. Really crappy codes."

"Well we had to." Ted said defensively.

"Why you think I'm too weak to handle the 'big news'. laughs lightly please Ted. I am Barney Stinson. I am legendary."

"Now what's so important?"

--

_**In 2030...**_

_"Hold on dad." Ted's Future son said. "What were they?"_

_"I'm getting to the news."_

_"No not that. What were the codes you used?"_

_"The codes? Oh those, I don't know what they are anymore. You can't actually expect me to remember some silly code we used for a week and a half over twenty years ago. I do remember that, whatever it was your Aunt Robin had thought them all up herself, and even she later admitted that they were awful. She was really upset over the whole thing though, which at the time I thought was weird but it made sense in the end, besides I was slightly distracted by a possible wedding._

_"Anyway where was I?"_

--

**Late May 2008 when Ted visited Barney...**

"Now what's so important" Barney asked.

"I can't tell you."

"Ted come on! I'm stuck here all day. In this little room, in pain. I'm in pain Ted. You're brother's in pain-"

"So we're really brothers now, aren't we?"

"Yes Ted we're brothers- now what could you possibly tell me that would hurt more than this."

"More than you being hit by a bus?"

"No. Than my best brother is shutting me out."

"Barney I'm not shutting you out."

"Then why don't you tell me?"

--

**Back with Lily and Marshall and Barney...**

"Hey you told us the same thing." Lily said.

"Yeah I didn't think it would work twice."

"Well it's not working again!" Marshall said determined not to let Barney guilt him into anything again.

"Marshall I didn't say it wasn't true. I mean I'm stuck in a cast all day unable to even scratch my own nose."

"Well you still got Barnacle Jr." He said, now he felt a little bad.

"And what good is he now?" The couple looked pitifully onto their disabled friend.

"I'm sorry man." Marshall said after some hesitation and before a hug.

"Ugh." Barney said as his large hugged him. "That's okay. We're cool." Marshall nodded solemnly and turned to his wife who he also hugged in this burst of emotion.

"I can't believe that worked a third time." Barney thought rolling his eyes as Lily comforted the guilt ridden Marshall.

"Back to my story, Ted felt bed for me so he told me that he proposed to Stella"

--

**Back to when Barney was visited by Ted...**

"So that's what happened."

"You proposed?"

"Yeah."

"To Stella?"

"Yup."

"For real?"

"Yes Barney I did, for real. I asked Stella to marry me."

"Teeeeeeeed! Why? Why would you do that? Did you get a concussion?"

"Nooo. No I did not. I really love her Barney."

"Yeah I've heard that before. Remember you told Robin you loved her, on your first date. But you don't anymore, right?"

"What? Robin, no I love Stella. Robin and I are friends remember? Maybe you're the one with the concussion."

"Maybe. I mean, yeah, well ... uhmmm... where were we? Oh that's right, you making a huge mistake! First James, now you. I'm losing my wingmen, and my brothers."

"Barney give me a break, she hasn't even said yes yet."

"Oh really? Alright then. So is that what the 'test run' is for?" He said curiously,

"I don't know. We're going to talk about it tonight."

--

**Now that Barney's story of how Ted told him he was engaged to Stella is finished (for now) we're back to Lily and Marshall visiting Barney...**

"Wow Barney, you were very mature about that." Lily said

"Yeah I know. I don't know why you all thought I couldn't handle it. I can handle it. So another of my best friends may be getting married." He said his confidence beginning to crumble. "Whatever."

Marshall and Lily glanced at each other, knowing to well that he wasn't completely alright, before he changed subject to something less complicated by simply saying: "Your codes suck."

The rest of their visit went by quickly enough and finally Robin arrived to relieve their shift.

"So Lily told me that you found out." Robin said eyeing him carefully, it didn't look like he was panicking but he had a pretty good poker face.

"Well yeah, I mean your 'codes'." scoff

"I thought they were pretty good."

"Yeah well Ted wasn't at his best when he thought of them. I mean they are so obvious a 5 year old could have figured it out. In fact, did you guys ask Lily's kindergarten class to come up with them?"

"Actually I came up with them."

"Oh. Not your best work Scherbatsky." Ignoring his remark, which she had to admit was true, she explain why she did it.

"The doctor said not to bring anything up if we thought it could cause a ... breakdown."

"Robin give me some credit, I can handle anything. I took on a speeding bus and survived. I'm invincible."

"Well Mr. Invincible, the doctor knows best."

"Says you."

"Besides the calmer your recovery the sooner you can get out of here."

"Right. So what'd you bring me?"

"Star Wars."

"Ohhhh which one?"

"All of them, of course. And just in case that TV wasn't DVD compatible, which it isn't... I also got... a dvd player" She said searching for the portable DVD player in her bag, just missing the smile which filled his face.

He watched her, smiling softly, until he became aware of what that feeling was. His smile disappeared, not because it was a bad or sad feeling, although those did follow last time he felt this particular sentiment. He was just surprised, pleasantly surprised actually.

"I'm gonna get something at the vending machine before it starts, you want anything?" She said snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah thanks." He mumbled nodding the best he could with his neck brace still on.

_"Now when your Uncle Barney first told me the story he said that that was when something in his brain just clicked. The second time he told me the story he said he'd always know, the only reason he involved that moment was that the Star Wars part would help ease me into the very notion. The third time he said he'd always had a hint in the back of his mind but since she didn't seem interested and since I was the one after her ever since the moment I saw her, he ignored it. Be that as it may, for some reason it was that moment in his hospital bed with your Aunt Robin preparing to watch Star Wars that your Uncle Barney Stinson realized he was in love with Robin Scherbatsky. Or at least that's how he told me the story. And that's why when she came back in the room the only thing he was able to say (after such a shock) was":_

"Scherbatsky..." He said it so softly at first that he wasn't even sure he said it.

"I got you a coke and no there's no whisky in it."

"Scherbatsky..." A little louder but she was fixing a tray so that he had somewhere to put his coke near enough to sip without having to hurt himself.

"..With a straw, bendy of course, they're the best kind."

"Robin!" with this he got her attention, for once he wasn't sure what to do with it. Then he realized he was lying helplessly in a hospital bed. This is not the way you tell someone that you're in love with them. Who did he think he was, Ted? No way. Robin and Ted didn't work and Barney as Ted with Robin wouldn't either. Robin and Barney though, they could...

"Barney did you want to say something?" He had called her name out then just looked at her hesitantly for what seemed like forever, it was beginning to get uncomfortable.

"It can wait."

A/N : I forgot to say that Chapter two was beta'ed by loveableme87.


	2. Why it matters

The Discovery

Chapter 2: Why it matters

Year: 2030

"So kids that's the story of how your uncle Barney discovered he had fallen in love with Robin Scherbatsky..." Older Ted said.

"Enough with the random stories already!" His daughter exclaimed throwing her arms in the air. "How does any of this have anything to do with how you met mom?!"

"I told you, you have to be patient; I'm getting to that part but you have to hear a few more stories before you can understand."

"A few?" She asked eyebrows raised.

"Maybe more."

"Dad this was supposed to be a story about how you met mom and for some reason you started to tell us how you met aunt Robin back in 2005. Now you're telling us about the year 2008 and still no sign of mom. Why are you doing this to us?"

"We are being punished for something, aren't we?" His son remarked.

"No you're not. You should be happy I put so much thought and effort into this story. When you kids were born I traced every step back to how it all happened and I realized that the reason I met your mother all started when I met your aunt Robin and she became part of my group of friends. I would have loved it if your grandma and grandpa told me the story of how they met as great as I'm telling you."

"Yeah but dad how does you and aunt Robin becoming friends translate to you meeting mom?" She asked exasperated.

"Alright, alright! I'll give you a little hint but then you'll have to listen to the rest of it, quietly. Understood?"

"Fine." The two said one rolling her eyes the other his head being thrown back in exasperation snapped back to attention.

"Alright the reason my meeting Robin and her becoming part of my group of friends was so important is because that's also how your uncle Barney met her." The kids exchanged slightly perplexed looks, wondering where he was going with this story this time, while their father continued.

"And your uncle Barney meeting your aunt Robin is important to the story because I met your mother at their wedding."

"Their wedding?" His son seemed surprised.

"Oh is that how it happened. Good story, thanks dad."

"Hold it young lady." He said as she rose from her seat. "Sit right back down because it's a whole lot more complicated than that."

"Of course it is."

"So now that you know that I'll have to explain how your uncle Barney announced his feelings, got over most of his anti-marriage notions and how your aunt Robin followed him in suit."

"This is gonna be a long story, isn't it?"

"Yup, now as I was saying..."

Guess I'll jump ahead to when your uncle Barney got rid of his cast which was in fall of 2008.


	3. A few things you should know about

Title: The Discovery

Chapter 3: A few things you should know about

Rating: PG

Summary: Future Ted now needs to tell his kids a few things that happened over the summer of 2008.

Spoiler: Up to episode 4.03

Author Note: Has been Jossed and yes I using the new episodes plots too, with my own twists… Also thank you loveableme87 on lj – you might be on fanficion too but I rather not take a chance.

Disclaimer: I do not own How I Met Your Mother

_So since your uncle Barney was stuck in a hospital for most of the summer I'll just skip over that part._

"I guess I'll just jump ahead to when your uncle Barney got rid of his cast. But before I do there are four important events that happened over the summer of 2008 which you should know about.

_**1. The Test Run.**___

You see kids the day that your Uncle Barney discovered that I proposed to Stella, I discovered, over dinner, that Stella had her own proposal to make."

"So the fish here's supposed to be really good... so they say." Ted began with the usual menu small talk, but it was plain to see that all he could think about was what Stella might say about his recent proposal.

"Ted?" Stella said nervously. His gaze met hers and the butterflies in his stomach started to make him feel kind of sick.

"Stella?"

"Yes."

"What?" His eyes widened as the butterflies started to do somersaults. "Really?"

She nodded. "But there are some conditions."

"Oh, of course, I agree. Number 1: I get to wear the suit. I know you might not agree, but Barney would kill me if I didn't wear one," he said jokingly and she laughed at his joke, making him smile. He loved it when she laughed.

"No, that's not what I mean," she said, still smiling. "Marriage is a big step, and I want to make sure that we aren't rushing into things."

_"The rest of the night was spent talking about that subject and all the hundreds of things that could happen if we weren't 'meant to be' as she put it. So we decided to do what all serious couples do at some point in their relationship. We moved in together. And that lead to the next important event of the summer of 2008._

_**2. Robin's new place.**___

"Well that's the last box." Ted said as he carried out a brown box labeled 'S.W.'. It was the last thing he had yet to drop off at Stella's. The moving transition had been slow as he slowly brought everything to her home and as she slowly made room for his things. But they hadn't bickered over anything, unlike the time he and Robin almost moved in together. The past two weeks had been contently relaxed.

"I still can't believe you're moving out of here." Robin said looking around at the now almost half empty apartment.

"Yeah me neither, but..." A smile broke on his face. "But she's the one."

"You sure about that?" She and Barney still weren't totally convinced about Ted's marriage, but for now they supported his decision... sort of.

"Look, I know you guys are still a little 'iffy' about it, but she said yes, and she loves me just as much as I love her and her daughter. And come autumn 2008, we're getting married."

"Oh, you two picked a date already?"

"No, not yet. Fingers crossed though." She nodded in agreement before asking casually enough a question which had been running through her mind for about a week now.

"So now that you're moving out, and that Marshall and Lily are going to live in their own place... I should move in." Ted stopped at the door and turned to face her with a perplexed look on his face.

"You wanna move in?"

"Yeah. Well think about it. My current apartment is across town and my lease is about to expire anyway. If I move in we'll still have a place to go right by MacClaren's, I'll have a much shorter commute and it'll be easier for you since you already know who to sell this place to." He had listened while she counted off all the reasons, and couldn't help but notice how much she sounded like Barney.

"Those are good points. Alright then, I am going to Stella right now, but we'll definitely talk about this later."

_"And we did, because one week later she was settled in her new apartment... my old apartment. At the time she still shared the place with Marshall and Lily, but that brings me to the third event that happened over the summer 2008._

_**3. Marshall's job.**_

"Hey Lily, where's Marshall?" Barney asked casually. He had been released from the hospital and although he still had a cocktail of drugs and regular physical therapy, he was doing relatively well.

"He's getting ready for another job interview," she said pointing to the bathroom.

"Cool. I'm going to see if his suit acceptable."

"Why? He has a very professional suit, you've seen it before."

"Uhh, yeah, but that was out of context. Lily a suit cannot be judged simply by its colour or its fabric. A suit should represent a situation, it should depict one's awesomeness." He would have continued to explain the elaborate complexity which was the suit but he had to see Marshall so he finished his little speech with a few words to think about. "His 'professional suit' may not apply its full potential in a job interview." He then walked in on Marshall who was mentally preparing himself in front of the bathroom mirror.

"You're flexible on salary. You're willing to compromise. You're not gonna cry this time," he said with a hopeful grin.

"You cried?"

"Barney!" Marshall jumped before turning around in surprise.

"Dude, I can't believe you cried... again. Actually, I can."

"What do want Barney?"

"I came to save you so you should sound a little more grateful." Barney walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. "My company has recently taken over Goliath National Bank. Took 2 months. Two thousand jobs lost."

"That's horrible, especially in this economy; it's really hard to get a job..." He could definitely relate.

"Nah it was great. Just came back from the last meeting, We had to finalize a few details, feels like a drug." He said grinning in delight thinking back to what must have been an adrenaline packed meeting. "Really helps distract you from you're real problems." He added as he slowly allowed his thoughts to drift to a certain problematic disease he had caught and whose existence had made itself clear the moment that bus hit him.

"If you're trying to make me feel better because two thousand other people lost their jobs, it's not working." Barney reentered the conversation which he was in the process of exiting and made his point clear.

"Marshall that's how take-overs happen. Some jobs are lost, while others are made. That's right." He let his awesome news sink in as Marshall's eyes widened then narrowed in hope that Barney wasn't about to make a sex related joke.

"Barney, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Marshall my friend, I can get you a job." His first instinct was to jump at the offer, to celebrate the fact that he'll soon have a job and a reason to get up in the morning, to have something to do. But then there was Lily. Wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, incredible and supportive Lily. Lily who patiently waited for her husband to find a job but not just any corporate soul sucking job, the job of his dreams. He was a lucky man to have her, however at this point in his life, career-wise, he just needed a reason to get in the morning, and they did need the money.

"I have to think about it." He said turning back to the mirror to fix his hair, and mentally wincing for turning down a real job offer.

"What? Marshall come on. You and I both know you need a job, or a hobby. A job would be best though."

"I can get a job. Maybe I'll get this job, it's an environmental-"

"Yeah, yeah… When you get tired of getting turned down tell me. I'll keep a spot open for you." It was clear that Marshall did indeed need some time to think about it before coming to work for Goliath National Bank, now part of the AltruCell Corporation family.

"_It took another few weeks before Marshall was sad and beaten down enough to accept Barney's job offer. And then a little while longer to get Lily on board with the idea._

So that's what happened during the summer of 2008."

"Uh Dad you forgot one."

"I did? Let's see… Stella and I move in together, Robin moves into my old apartment, Barney gets Marshall a job… Oh that's right I forgot to tell you that that summer your aunt Robin began to truly hate her job. She hated the poor production value, she hated the stupid stories she had to report and most of all she hated the puns. And so she wanted to quit but she needed the assurance that only a new job could bring. So she applied to another job, thanks to Barney's convincing, and she got it there was just one small problem it was in Japan."


	4. The Greatest Bachelor Party Ever

The Discovery

Chapter 4: The Greatest Bachelor Party Ever

Summary: Ted and Stella's wedding is coming up and there is a bachelor party to be had.

A/N: So this is - still - in the time frame where Ted and Stella are – still - together. Seems so long ago... Beta'ed thanks to loveable_me_87 and 1angelette.

Spoilers: up to Shelter Island.

Disclaimer: I do not own how I met you mother.

A/N/N: Had to change this chapter's name - even if that means chapter is spelled 'chapt' now - because I realized there was already an episode names 'bachelor party' which was Marshalls, plus this gives me a new hook. (mwahaha) you'll see.

_____________________________________________________________________

_"So your Aunt Robin decided to take a job in Japan, and that was why your Uncle Barney once again invited your Aunt Lily to his apartment a few weeks after she was offered the Japanese job."_

--

**Two days before Robin was to leave to her new job in Japan**

--

Barney opened the door and let Lily walk into his apartment.

"Barney, we have to talk about what happened last night."

"I know that's why I – wait, how do you about last night?..."

"Marshall told me; you know he can't keep a secret."

"Of course he did." The man really couldn't keep anything to himself. Returning to the bigger problem at hand, Barney panicked. "We don't, we don't ever have to mention it again. Never again. Robin's leaving in a few days; Ted was pretty drunk so he won't remember it to well and Marshall... Mmm Marshall, Marshall doesn't have a big effect on this so as long as he keeps his big mouth shut..."

"Barney, you can't ignore this."

"I can so! And it's not like this is a really big deal anyway. Nothing happened." He settled on the couch and tried to be as calm as possible with regards to this latest bomb-shell.

"Barney, you can't keep denying this." She tried reasoning with him.

"I'm not denying anything because there is nothing to deny. I am my usual awesomeness. Last night was just a slip; the exception to the rule if you will. The rule being 'I am – pause for effect - awesome'." He gave her his best confident grin, so that she would believe him... so that he'd believe himself. Lily wasn't buying it, though.

"If everything's so 'awesome' why did you call me over?" She used air-quotes to show just how much she wasn't buying his act.

"... To tell you so."

"Admit it, Barney, you're in love with Robin Scherbatsky and your heart is breaking because she's leaving the country." Barney let out a sigh and shut his eyes as he moved towards his kitchen. "She's going to leave."

"I know."

"To Japan."

"I know!" He said with a strained voiced.

"That's really far away."

"I know... Why does it have to be Japan? Why couldn't she stay in New York, in the country. I could handle California... or if she went back to Canada... or England..."

"England?"

"They speak English and the food is better. I don't like Chinese." Lily gave him a look of confusion before she tried again to help him; in her opinion he was in great need of assistance. However, it was clear that she would have to be more direct.

"Barney you have to tell her before she leaves." He started to protest but she kept going. "And don't tell me you don't love her because you clearly do. Barney, this is ridiculous, just tell her."

--

_"Now you might be wondering why it took a few weeks before your Uncle Barney and Aunt Lily had this talk."_

_"What do you mean a by 'few weeks'?"_

_"Oh I forgot to mention that Uncle Barney told your Aunt Lily he was in love with Robin. Your Aunt Lily tried her best to set them up on a date but..."_

--

"You can't - you can't be in love with Robin and still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet! You have to choose right now."

"I choose bimbos."

--

_"Now, to understand the reason they were once more discussing this, I have to tell you the story of my first bachelor party."_

--

**Three days before Ted's wedding...**

--

"Ted as your best man-"

"Hey we agreed." Marshall cut in. He, Ted and Barney were in there usual booth at MacLarens and had patiently listened to Ted talk, about his wedding to Stella and about Stella herself and about how in love he is and about how excited but also nervous he was, for the past hour. Marshall was sympathetic, seeing as he had gone through the process already and knew the stress and anxiety involved, while Barney's thoughts were elsewhere. However right now they were focussed on Ted's upcoming bachelor party.

"Fine. As your Co-best man it is up to me - and Marshall - to ensure that you properly celebrate your last days before you are forever lost in monogamy. I speak of course, of the bachelor party."

"That's right. Barney and I have a plan."

"Yes we do. A well thought out plan. And this time we won't be taking a stripper to the hospital. For tonight-"

"Oh, tonight's not good. Stella and I have to reorganize the seating arrangements; someone decided to bring a plus one. They did not check the ballot." He looked to Marshall who nodded in understanding and who decided it was best not to bring up a similar incident Ted had apparently forgotten.

"Okay, whatever. For tomorrow night we have the greatest bachelor party ever planned. And it'll all start at 6:45pm. You. Me. Marshall. Suits will be up. And that won't be the only thing." He raised his hand and Marshall giggled as he high-fived him.

--

_You see kids, Stella and I had decided to get married in early November of 2008. After living together for a few months of happy engagement the planning had begun. Unfortunately that's also when the trouble begun. To start with there was my hatred of New Jersey…_

--

"I thought having a rent controlled apartment was half the reason she agreed to marry me!"

--

_Which I was able to bury it in my joy of an impending marriage, that doesn't mean it disappeared. Meanwhile Stella was dealing with... you know what, I should tell you about the bachelor party first. _

_So Barney and Marshall had an amazing bachelor party planned out, complete with everything a man would ever dream of. At least that's what I was told. The full bachelor party was never technically completed._

--

"Hey, Ted, glad you could make it." Marshall said; he had, upon Barney's request, suited up.

"Yeah well... Where's Barney? Isn't this his master plan?"

"He's getting the supplies."

"Supplies?" Ted said worriedly.

"You'll see." Marshall confidently told him as Barney walked into the bar. Carrying a duffle bag he joined Marshall and Ted, sitting on the opposite side of the booth as them.

"Hey guys, glad you could make it to the, quote, Greatest Bachelor Party Ever! End quote." Ted stared at him, partially amused, and waited until Barney unveiled his plan for the night. Reaching into the bag he handed both Marshall and Ted walkie-talkies and a sealed envelope.

"What's this?" Ted asked looking at his envelope.

"Barney, we don't need walkie-talkies. We have cell phones." Marshall added, pulling his out to prove it.

"How come he got to bring his phone?" Ted quietly implored.

"Neither of you get your phone. Not tonight you don't. They aren't secure lines. Can't be trusted, it's too easy to track." His said outreached to Marshall who reluctantly handed his phone over.

"What are we going to be doing that requires untraceable communication?"

"Nothing." Marshall stated getting a little worked up that Barney might have changed their well worked out plans. "It's all perfectly legal. I checked, even the stuff you wouldn't think are; no illegal activities tonight."

"Relax, Ted. Tonight is about celebrating you're last night as an unmarried man. Not about getting you in prison. We could do that another night. The walkies are just for fun. I had a little shopping spree; I also got a massage flipper, if either of you want one." He signalled Wendy the waitress over to order a round of drinks.

"What the hell's a massage flipper?" Ted said with contained giggles.

Barney scoffed. "Please, Ted, how do you not know what a massage flipper is? Wendy," he said as she passed by. "We'll have three beers to start and keep them coming."

"Alright, oh by the way, Robin left this for you." Wendy pulled out a folded paper from her pocket and handed it to Barney, who thanked her, before she left to get their beers.

"Wonder what it could say." Barney said trying to act nonchalant as his heart rate rose. He unfolded the paper and read the note. After looking at the piece of paper for a few minutes - and after his facial expression twitch several times from its cool demeanour - Barney carefully folded the paper and placed it into his interior coat pocket.

"What does it say?" Ted, beer now in hand, asked.

"Oh you know, it said stuff. Very mundane, not at all interesting, or exciting. In fact it wasn't even worth writing down." Ted and Marshall observed the clearly uneasy man before them.

"Come on, Barney, just tell us what it said."

"Didn't say anything." They continued to stare as he took a very long sip. "So those envelopes contain-" He was cut off by the sound of his cell phone. "Uhhh.. I gotta take this. Over there, be right back."

--

_Flash to the year 2030_

--

_"Dad what did the note say?"_

_"To tell you the truth, I don't know."_

_"You never asked him?" His son asked._

_"I haven't thought about in 22 years, and at the time I just thought it was something about my upcoming wedding or some dumb joke."_

_"Well, why don't we ask him?" His daughter said stating the obvious._

_"I guess we could..."_

_"I'll call him!" She said jumping at the opportunity to have an intermission. Her brother was left alone on the couch._

_"Can I get some juice?" _

_"Go ahead. And tell your sister to hurry up." Future Ted said. Sighing to himself he thought about how kids these days had such low attention spans. It wasn't like he'd talked that long..._


	5. Party Pooper

The Discovery

Chapter 5: Party Pooper

Summary: Ted's Bachelor Party doesn't go as planned.

Spoilers: up to Shelter Island.

Disclaimer: I do not own how I met you mother.

A/N: Beta thanks to 1angelette, merci!

_____________________________________________________________________

**In the year 2030...**

"_Uncle Barney said he'll be right over." Ted's daughter said returning to the living room._

"_Why couldn't he just tell you what the note said over the phone?" _

_She shrugged and replied, "Didn't even get a chance to ask."_

**83 seconds ago**

"_You got Barney."_

"_Hey, Uncle Barney."_

"_Why, if it isn't Miss Mosby Jr? What up! Hey how'd you're English exam go?"_

"_Terrific, thanks again for helping me study."_

"_Well I couldn't let your dad help you, he'd teach you to say encyclopaydeaya and all sorts of other incorrect terms. So why are calling?"_

"_Oh well Dad was just telling us the story of how he met mom and we'd like you to come over so you could tell us-"_

"_Say no more squirt I'll be right there. Bye."_

**Back to the (future) present...**

"_... And then he hung up." His son re-entered the room carrying three cups of juice, which he placed on the table._

"_Well, until he gets here let's get back to my bachelor party."_

**Early November on the night of Ted's bachelor party...**

"Come on Barney just tell us what it said."

"Didn't say anything." They continued to stare as he took a very long sip of beer. "So those envelopes contain-" He was cut off by the sound of his cell phone. "Uhhh.. I gotta take this. Over there, be right back." He got up and left the bar to quietly take his call outside.

"Dude, what do you think that note said?" Marshall excitedly asked Ted.

"Don't know; what do you thinks in the envelopes?" Ted said, eyeing his while drinking his second beer and asking himself when he got a second beer (Wendy the waitress was stealthy). Marshal turned suspiciously to his envelope; it was a simple legal envelope with one or two papers inside. No stamp or written address, of course, although the words 'BP4TM' were scribbled on the front.

"Maybe it's a layout of the night to come."

"I thought you knew what we were going to do."

"I do, but you never know with Barney; remember what he did at my bachelor party? We ended up watching a disturbing show and may or may not have caused a stripper her job."

"No, she recovered. She had a cast on for a couple of weeks, no big deal." He said ordering some more beer, he seemed particularly thirsty and the fact that he was getting married in a few days had nothing to do with it, he hoped.

"Maybe, but for a stripper that's a long time. I mean, who's going to hire a one legged stripper?"

"To be fair, she was very good at her job. Disturbing, but she did a good job." They drank a while longer, ordering two more beers, awaiting Barney's return.

"Hey aren't you bugged that Barney keeps calling this 'the greatest bachelor party ever'? I mean, yours wasn't that… bad."

"No, mine sucked." No use in denying it. "And to be fair, it was Barney's fault. It would have been awesome if he hadn't messed it up. But that was in the past." He signalled for a few more beers. "Besides this bachelor party is totally gonna make up for it."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! Mine you'd have better though. But I can't tell you any more, you're gonna have to wait for it."

"Did Barney tell you to say that?" They laughed, because Marshall really didn't say it on purpose, and talked to pass the time while waiting for Barney – who was taking a really long time - to return before once again discussing what the envelops could contain.

"So you think they're the plans for tonight?"

"Yup." Marshall uttered.

"I thought you and Barney planed this out together. Why would he have to give you a plan of the plan you guys planned out." Ted was starting to babble and he knew the alcohol was taking effect, which was weird since he hadn't become conscious that he had drunk so much.

"Actually I contribute a great deal to the preparation of this night. And since I'll probably forget to say so in the dopamine and adrenaline packed adventure we're about to face: you are welcomed." Ten minutes later Barney finally strolled back in.

"Hey, guys. Whoa, how many beers have you had?" There were at least half a dozen beer bottles on the table alone.

"Not that many." Marshall dismissed this. Half were his and half were Ted's, two were newly opened and still full, along with Barney's which was still unfinished. By his count they had drunk three beers each, which, in retrospect, was probably one too many.

"Plus, you were gone for a long time."

"A really long time; too long for a regular phone call."

"That's right." Ted was getting a little drunk, but after all it was his bachelor party. "So you got to tell us Stinson, who was on the phone?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah! And what's in the envelopes?"

"The envelopes contain what would have been tickets which we would have used to have an awesome time because this would have been the greatest bachelor party." Ted and Marshall looked to him with staid and confusion. "Ever."

"What happened?"

"Where did it happen?" Ted still didn't know what they were, well what they would have done.

"Uhh New York, d'uh." Barney answered in his usual sarcastically mocking way. Ted's face fell and he took another sip of his beer. He thought something happened where they would have gone which would have prevented them from going there.

"What happened?" Marshall articulated again.

"Stella called."

"Stella called? Why would she call you?" Ted said, forgetting any previous question he had and focussing instead on his fiancé.

"We told you not to bring your cell, remember?"

**Flash to the previous night at MacLarens when Barney was telling Ted how to prepare for the next night…**

"Ted," Barney explained, "tomorrow night you are to come to McLarens at 6:45 precisely. You are to be suited up. You are to call your boss - and you're future domestic boss – and tell them not to expect you to show up the next morning. You are to leave your cell phone at home, along with all your wedding plans and wedding talk. And finally you are to think about what a stupid decision you are making by getting married."

**Flash back to the bachelor party…**

"Oh yeah; you were late by the way. I got here a little after 7; I was expecting a speech about tardiness but you hadn't showed up yet."

"Well I was pre-occupied… Besides I wouldn't give you a speech on tardiness; that would be Lily's job."

"What did Stella want?" Ted, albeit slightly intoxicated, was worried about what his fiancée would be so concerned about that she would need to call him during his bachelor party.

"Oh don't worry about it; it's been taken care of."

"What did you do?" Barney talking to Stella and 'taking care' of wedding related things, Ted was obviously alarmed.

"I took care of it. Sort of."

"Barney." Ted warned, getting irritated.

"Fine, fine."

**That time that Stella called Barney when she couldn't reach Ted or Marshall…**

"Barney Stinson."

"Barney? Where's Ted? He left his phone here and I can't reach him."

"He's at MacLarens; we're just about to start his bachelor party."

"Oh is that tonight?"

"Yes."

"Oh..." There was a pause as Barney waited for Stella to explain her disappointed reaction.

"Stella, would you like me to give him a message? A message which he probably won't respond to 'till much later on, like tomorrow."

"No it's just... Look I don't want to ruin his party but there's a problem."

"Is it a wedding problem?"

"Kind of..." She tested, knowing full well that Barney wasn't too happy about their marriage or about wedding talk, especially during a bachelor party. When he didn't respond she tried again. "Look I know this is supposed to be a 'wedding free night'-"

"You got my email, good."

"Yeah. But there's a problem and I can't fix it..." Another pause; at this rate they would miss their flight, Barney thought looking at his watch.

"Look Stella, just tell me what's wrong, I'll tell Ted, and Ted'll fix it before the party officially starts."

"Alright. Lucy's dad is refusing to let Lucy come to the wedding. Tony is just being difficult about this whole affair and I do not want to see him, so can you tell Ted to take care of it, please?"

"Sure thing, Stells. Later."

**Flash back to the bachelor party...**

"Tony's not letting Lucy come to the wedding?" Barney shook his head. "That sucks." Marshall and Barney nodded in agreement.

"So does that mean we aren't going to Montreal?"

"We were going to go Montreal? Why were we going to go to Montreal?"

"It's in Canada." Ted turned back to Barney with an even more perplexed expression while Marshall continued. "They have awesome bars though, and abundance of nightclubs, plus they're all French."

"I know! How much fun would we have had there?" Barney wistfully remarked.

"Except that well... it is mid-November."

"No, it would have been legendary," he replied unwilling to let his dream of the perfect bachelor party be so quickly dismissed.

"Robin said it gets really cold."

"Robin suggested we go there?"

"Well of course it gets cold, it's Canada. It's always cold," he said, ignoring Ted. "But it would have been pretty damn fun to go there, have the greatest bachelor party ever, and then never worry about it again because we'd have left the country. But don't worry because there's a plan 'I'."

"Plan 'I'?"

"Yeah 'I' as in: 'Impending fatherhood has interrupted the Greatest Bachelor Party Ever'."

"Right, well first we have to go to Tony's."

"_And so my bachelor party was interrupted by Tony who refused to let Lucy come to my wedding. Barney, Marshall and I all went over to Tony's. While I went to talk to Tony, Marshall and Barney waited downstairs. Now I didn't have too much trouble changing Tony's mind, he agreed to let Lucy go. And, since he was in tears over it, I invited him to come to the wedding, which was a bad idea."_

**Flash to Barney and Marshall sitting in their usual MacLaren's booth as Ted walks in...**

"Ted! How'd she take it?" Marshall asked Ted had just called Stella to tell her of their new guest.

"Not well. Apparently there's this thing against inviting your ex to your wedding. She got even angrier when I told Robin would be coming. I'm gonna have to un-invite her."

"NOO!" Barney cried, shocking both Ted and Marshall who looked to him in surprise. "I mean... no, Ted, that's a bad idea..." Taking a sip of his whisky he tried to recover. "You and Robin are friends there's no reason to not invite her… If you let Stella boss you around like this now who knows what's next? Today wedding guest, tomorrow you get a curfew, and then before you know it you're a New Jerseyan."

"We agreed that I would get to come to MacLaren's at least once a week. Besides I still work here."

"For now."

"Whatever, I don't want to think about that right now. Right now, I want some alcohol."

"_For the next hour or so, I concentrated on getting extremely drunk. Barney tried to put plan 'I' into action, but ultimately he gave up."_

"I give up Ted." Barney said sitting back down in the booth. "All the hotels are booked. Marshall won't let me bring the stripper upstairs. Stella has that thing about her house being PG-13. God knows I can't bring any to my house."

"Why not?"

"... I have my reasons." He swiftly replied. Returning to his previous tone and topic Barney took a gulp of whisky and continued. "And worst of all Marshall thinks we should just stay here."

"Why is that the worst thing?" Ted uttered, looking down to his empty glass. "I need more beer..." He turned his head around, looking for Wendy the Waitress.

"Ted. Ted. Focus." Barney said pointing his index and middle finger to his eyes and moving back to Ted's and then back to his until Ted drunkenly followed his directions and squinted at him. "This is a three person party, I cannot – in all my awesomeness – implement The Greatest Bachelor Part Ever alone. If Marshall gives up on this, then... You're already drunk aren't you?" He said disappointed while Ted tried to lick the bottom of his glass, which was physically impossible to reach unless you were an anteater.

"Maaaaaaayyyyybe."

"Hey, Ted." Marshall came back from the bathroom, smiling.

"Hey Marshall! How you doing buddy?"

"I- I think I might be drunk. Isn't that funny?" They started to giggle while Barney sadly shook his head and ordered more whisky.

A/N: Concerning the location for 'The Greatest Bachelor Party Ever' for Ted Mosby (or Bachelor Party for Ted Mosby = BP4TM) I'm not just being super patriotic and this web site proves it: (triple w) iloveindia (dot) com /party-ideas/bachelor-party/party-destinations dot html


	6. HIFOBWIL

The Discovery

Chapter 6: How I Found Out Barney Was In Love (HIFOBWIL)

Summary: This is why Ted had to explain to his kids what happened at the bachelor party so that they could understand why Lily came to see Barney the next day.

Spoilers: up to Shelter Island.

Disclaimer: I do not own how I met you mother.

A/N: This one had no beta, if it's absolutely horrible and needs a beta asap leave me a comment (sorry Beta's but I feel obliged to update quick and I don't like waiting :/ so if there are too many errors I blame 'Microsoft Word' and its spell check.)  
Beta thanks to **spirillen** on lj  
((A/N/N: Curse you commas!))

* * *

_ "Now this next part was piece together by Marshall, Barney and myself years later. We were all pretty drunk – which I might have over exaggerated, a little - but there were a few things we all agreed on. Mainly it was a bizarre conversation that happened between your Uncle Barney and me towards the end of the night."_

--

"Why Canada?" A drunken Ted asked. "You, of all people hate anything non-American. Which is pretty unfair, actually."

"I don't hate all other countries." He said awkwardly loud, and looked around as if someone was watching him. "Just the non-awesome ones."

"So you like Canada now?"

"Please. Wendy, we need another round."

"Then why were we going to go to Montreal, to Canada."

"I don't know, it sounded cool."

--

**Flash to the previous night...**

--

"So what are you guys gonna do for Ted's bachelor party?" Robin asked.

"You mean for 'The Greatest Bachelor Party Ever'?" Barney corrected. "I got two highly skilled strippers and some prime cigars."

"Is that all?"

"What do you mean 'is that all'? Scherbatsky, that's a great party." Barney said insulted. "What do you know about bachelor parties anyways?"

"Well I got this friend from Canada, who got married way too young, and their bachelor party was in Montreal. They said it was awesome."

"Yeah but that's Canada awesome, this is America. Our standards are different. Besides Montreal's full of French people."

"Exactly, think of a city full of French with strip clubs where you can drink."

"You can drink in them?" Robin nodded pleased, "And by drink, you mean alcohol right?"

"Yes." She said rolling her eyes.

"Interesting..."

--

**Flash back to the three boys in their usual booth at MacLarens**

--

"So it was all Robin's idea; and to be fair, it sounded like a great- nay an awesome idea. Think about it, Ted, you could have gotten drunken surrounded by strippers. If you're not happy with one of them, there is a room full of happy Canadian strippers who would love to get some cold hard American money. Meanwhile you get something else hard." Barney said giving Marshall a fist bump.

"I still don't get why you would want to go to Canada just 'cause Robin thinks it's a good idea."

"Neither do I," Marshall nervously articulated. "It is a mystery, Barney do you have any explanations for this." Ted looked at him with a quizzical expression; Barney frowned but kept his eyes at the bottom of his glass. "I have to go to the bathroom, again." Marshall got up and in a few giant steps had made it to the bathroom.

"Barney?" Barney looked up to Ted, distressed at how overt Marshall was. Lily could not keep a secret.

"Yeah..."

"Do you have any explanations for this?" He hiccupped.

"I do. But I'm not going to tell you." Barney took another sip of whisky.

"Fine."

--

_"But an hour later he did tell me."_

--

**An hour later...**

--

"I'm sick!" Barney decried. "Ted, I'm sick and it's all Robin's fault."

"Did she give you a cold? She was a little sniffy last week." Ted said remembering how she sneezed on him, accidently.

"NO, she gave me this horrible, horrible incurable disease."

"She did?" Ted asked as Barney hunched over the table after nodding.

"Remember that time we slept together?"

"We're still talking about you and Robin right?" Marshall asked.

"Yeah. So remember that?"

"Vaguely, it was on my birthday, right?"

"Of course not, Ted - you found out about it on your birthday. And then ditched me." Barney bitterly added.

"Well that's all in the past now."

"Right, so... what were we talking about?"

"You being sick?" Marshall offered taking another sip of beer.

"Oh yeah, and it's all Robin fault! She gave me this horrible disease that time we sleep together."

"Really? I would have thought you'd have given Robin something, not the other way around." Marshall said.

"So what did you catch?" Ted questioned.

"Feelings." Barney said, spitting out the words with a certain sense of disgust and concession.

"What?" Ted chuckled; this must be some sort of joke.

"I caught feelings for Scherbatsky." Ted just looked at him with a puzzled expression while Marshall nervously drank his beer.

"This is a surprise." Marshall said, but Ted was too distracted to notice how uneasy he was.

"I think I'm..." Barney tried but was unable to say the 'L' word, so he stuck with the 'feelings' excuse. "I can't stop thinking about her. All I want to do is... _be_ with her. And not just in the physical way, I actually want to... to cuddle. And possibly snuggle. And just be with her." Ted frowned.

"Wait, wait, and wait. Wait. Are you saying you love Robin?" Barney miserably nodded and finished off his beer.

"Wendy, can I have a whisky, please?" Barney asked as she passed by. She nodded before going to the bar.

"How did – How come you – When did this happen?" Ted finally managed to ask.

"About a week after I got hit by that bus, you know the same day you told me you were going to ask Stella to marry you, she came by and brought along some DVD's for us to watch."

"I asked Stella to marry me the day you got hit by the bus, not a week later."

"Fine, it was the day I found out you asked her, focus Ted, shesh. Now like I was saying we were going to watch Star Wars."

"Great movie," Ted said.

"The best," Marshall added.

"Yeah well she was setting everything up and that's when it hit me. I had _feelings_."

--

_"And that was the first time I found out your Uncle Barney was in love with your Aunt Robin. Of course at the time I didn't believe him."_

--

"Hold on, you're not in love with Robin."

"Uh I'm pretty sure I am Ted."

"No, no listen, you just think you're in love 'cause you don't want to be left out."

"Huh?" He tilted his head and frown, he was pretty sure he was in love had feelings. Even Lily agreed with him, sort of.

"Yeah see I'm getting married, Marshall and Lily are already married; you just think you're in love with Robin 'cause you don't want to get pushed out of the group when Robin eventually does find someone. It makes sense, you 'discovered' you were in love with Robin the same day as when you found out I was gonna get married and two week before we had been arguing. So see you aren't in love with Robin, you just want to stay in the group, but don't worry we're friends in fact we're brothers!" This was Barney's out.

"You're right! I'm no, I mean, I don't have feelings for Robin. It was some sort of near-death crisis like you asking that girl to marry you." Barney said, feeling a weight lifting off of him.

"Well no not exactly, I'm planning to spend the rest of my life with Stella; we're getting married in two days."

"This calls for a celebration! Next round's on me." Barney said ignoring Ted, he stood up and staggered to the bar. Just then Robin walked into the MacLarens and came up to Barney who had just ordered three beers.

"Hey Barney, I just wanted to say thanks again." She said smiling.

"No problemo, Scherbatsky. That's what I'm here for, to save the day." He happily said reminding himself of Ted's theory.

"So what are you guys still doing here anyways? I thought you were going to a strip club or some hotel or something."

"Everything's booked up. Plus they both got drunk while I was phoning around." He answered pointing to Ted and Marshall.

"Well I just wanted to say thanks again. I'll see you later." With that Robin left the bar, before she did though she gave Barney a kiss. It wasn't a passionate kiss or even on the mouth, it was just a quick peck on the check but it was enough to crush Ted's stupid theory. It was also enough to make him weak in the knees and to make him lean against the bar so that he wouldn't fall over.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to steady his heart before going back to the booth with beers in hand. The three friends spent another forty seven minutes joking around and talking. Barney had a forced smile for most of it, and Marshall finally had to call it quits at 1:29 am because he had work in the morning.

--

_"So kids that what happened at my bachelor party. Now I can tell you about the morning after, when your Aunt Lily came over to see your Uncle Barney."_

--

**Flash to Lily and Barney in Barney's apartment, the day before the wedding, discussing the previous night...**

--

"Barney, you have to tell her before she leaves." He started to protest but she kept going. "And don't tell me you don't love her because you clearly do. Barney, this is ridiculous, just tell her."

"No! No I will not. What if Ted is right? What if this is just some weird near-death-me-wanting-to-stay-in-the-group-so-I-catch-feelings-but-I-didn't-really thing."

"Then why did you call me over?" He hesitated, running his hand through his hand and closing his eyes before saying it.

"Because she kissed me." Lily's eyes opening wide before she squeaked in joy.

"She kissed you! Robin kissed you, really? What happened?"

"She was just saying thanks for helping her out with that job in Japan and she kissed me before leaving the bar." He said rather pleased with the affectionate response – both from Robin last night and Lily who was practically jumping up and down in excitement.

"OH my God! She kissed you! Was it like a big slobbery wet one? Did she use tongue?" The part of Lily who known as 'Horny Lily' came out. "Did you guys visit the bathroom, if you know what I mean?"

"Well no, it was a peck on the cheek..." He admitted.

"Oh, well that's still good." 'Horny Lily' ducked back in as Barney nodded, now disappointed in himself for not pulling her in for a real kiss. "So are you going to tell her?"

"No. Although I do have a plan to try and sleep with her again. That should be able to get these feelings out of my system."

"That's not gonna work, Barney."

"Oh yes it will, you see Ted's wedding to Stella offers the perfect situation. If I'm ever going to sleep with Robin, it'll be then." Lily shook her head as Barney's thoughts drifted away to plan out exactly how he would get Robin to have sex with him, again.

--

**Flash to the year 2030 because there's someone knocking on the door...**

--

_"That must be Uncle Barney, I'll get it." Ted's son said getting up to answer the door._


	7. The Note

Title: The note

Summary: Remember - in chapter 4 - that note Ted never asked about so they called Barney over to explain it to them? Well...

Word count: 1127 words

Spoilers: Up to Shelter Island

Disclaimer: Don't be ridiculous, of course I don't own this show. If I did would I be writing fanfiction about it? No! I'd be writing scripts.

A/N: since most of this parts in the year 2030, I decided to forgo the italics.

Beta thanks to angelette1

A/N/N: Isn't it great when things magically fall into place even though at the time you had no idea what you were going to do with it? It's magical.

* * *

**Flash to the year 2030 because there's someone knocking on the door...**

**--**

"That must be Uncle Barney, I'll get it." Ted's son said, getting up to answer the door. The door, however, opened up before he could get to it.

"Ted, have you been torturing your children with impossibly long stories again?" Barney – older Barney – said walking through the door.

"Hey, Uncle Barney."

"Hello W.M.I.T."

"Barney, what did you just call my son?"

"Uh, Wing Man In Training, duh. Pardon I took so long; Scherbatsky had uh... her hair wet when you called. She's trying to find some place to park; it's a jungle out there. So what's the big emergency?"

"We need you to tell us what the note said."

"Note? What note?" he asked, eyebrow raised.

"The note Wendy the waitress gave you back in 2008 at dad's first bachelor party," Ted's daughter explained. Barney was silent for a moment, then turned to Ted and said:

"You _are_ torturing your children with impossibly long stories, Ted, why?"

"He was telling us how he met mom. In excruciating details."

"We've been here all day," his son added.

"Ted," he said drawing out his name. "It shouldn't take more than an hour to explain to them how you met her. In fact I could tell you kids right here, right now how it happened. You see-"

"Barney, don't!" Barney sighed. "This is something I've been planning to do for a long time and I finally figured out how to turn it into not only an interesting story-" his daughter rolled her eyes- "but one full of important life lessons."

"Fine, I won't tell. How far back did you start anyways?"

"He started the day Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily got engaged and when he first met Aunt Robin," his son answered.

"Ted!" Barney said, both disappointed and distraught by this. "Have you at least been giving them commercial breaks?" Ignoring this remark Ted asked again.

"Barney, we just need you to tell us what that note said."

"Fine," Barney said sitting down on the armchair next to the couch, "Uh... What note is this again?"

"The one Robin gave you back in 2008 on the night of my bachelor party. You arrived late then sat down and when Wendy came by to take our order she gave you a note which Robin left for you. After that you got a phone call and walked out of the bar."

"Right, okay, let me think..."

"You don't remember?" Ted's daughter asked worriedly; she really wanted to know what it said.

"It's been a while, just hold tight and let me think." After a few seconds, during which the siblings shared a look of annoyance and impatience, he had remembered. "I got it; the note said this, basically:

--

**Flash to Barney reading the note at MacLarens...**

--

"Dear Barney," Robin's voice is heard,

"I am completely and utterly in love with you." Barney's eyes grow wide. "You are the smartest greatest most awesomest guy who has ever lived and, let's face it, I would be a fool to not to be all over you and to not want to have crazy monkey sex with you night after night after night. After night." Barney grins, thinking about it.

"But for now I have to go to Japan for what may be my dream job, so our love must wait. And so must the crazy hot sex. Plus Ted would totally be all weird about us being together. Sincerely Robin Scherbatsky."

"P.S. You are way better than Ted. In _every_ way."

--

**Flash back to 2030**

--

Barney smiles happily while Ted and Ted's kids look at him dubiously. "Oh ha, ha, ha. Ha ha." Ted's daughter said humouring the man, "Seriously what did the note say?"

"That's what it said, really."

"Really?" The son asked doubtfully.

"Really."

"Yeah we're not buying that. Aunt Robin would not have written you a note like that in the year 2008. Come on, what did it say?"

"Alright, alright, I'll tell you." He gave in.

"The truth this time." Ted warned.

"Of course. The note contained the address to a secret house we had bought together for the sole purpose of being able to go there and secretly have sex."

"You don't remember do you?"

"It's been 20 years Ted,-"

"22 years", he corrected but Barney ignored him and went on.

"How am I supposed to remember one measly note Scherbatksy wrote me? We've writing each other thousands of texts and notes and emails and even a few letters, and you want me to remember-" He stopped abruptly. "Oh I remember which note you're talking about."

"For real?"

"Yes."

--

**Flash to Barney reading the note (for real)**

--

"Hey Barney, Wendy says she'll be giving this to you, hope she will otherwise I'll have to tell you guys tomorrow. Can't seem to get a hold of anyone's phone but you said you'd be at MacLarens at 7-ish. Just wanted to tell you all that I won't be going to Japan after all. Have to go unpack now, later! RS"

--

**Flash back to 2030...**

--

"That's what the note said. Really." Barney confirmed.

"So Aunt Robin didn't go to Japan?"

"No, she did, well for about a week. The job wasn't very good and she got homesick," Ted explained to them, although he was as perplexed as his kids.

"So what happened then?" His daughter eagerly asked.

"Well-" Barney was interrupted by a few taps at the door. "Oh, that must be Robin." He said getting up to open the door, which of course opened before he could reach it.

"Hey guys! Ted, you've really got to keep your door locked; your neighbourhood's not as safe as you think."

"Hey Scherbatsky, what took you so long?" Barney asked with a grin, giving her a small peck on the cheek.

"The only parking space I found was two block away, Mister I've-been-traumatised-by-a-horrible-accident-so-now-I-won't-even-try-to-learn-to-drive." Apparently she was a little pissed about that. "And Ted did you know you have nudist neighbours?"

"The Horillenny's," his son said thinking back. "Their daughter's cute."

"So what did you call us over for?"

"He needed to ask us about a note you wrote to me 20 years ago."

"22 years", Ted corrected again, Barney and Robin looked at him annoyed.

"What note was that?"

"The one from his bachelor party with Stella."

"You mean the 'Not The Greatest Bachelor Party Ever' one?" She asked.

"That's the one," he said waving his finger in an affirmative manner and nodding.

"Oh, I remember that note. It was the one where I almost decided not to go to Japan." Barney nodded again.

"Will one of you please explain it?" Ted daughter pleaded.

* * *

(A/N: I don't I ever said before but I love comments, seriously, don't be shy. Feedback makes things better.)


	8. The Almost Not

Recap: In the future Ted and kids called Barney and Robin over to explain a note she wrote to him the night of Ted's first bachelor party (for his wedding to Stella). They explained but confused them on another issue, which will be further described.

Beta credit: to 1angelette who's on LJ and ff.

Chapter 8: The Almost Not

* * *

_Alright, kids, sit back because you are about to hear the untold story of Scherbatsky's cold feet concerning Japan," Barney announced as he sat back down in the armchair and Robin took a seat on the couch next to the kids. "I read the note Robin left for me and then I had to take a phone call, so I went outside and guess who called me?"_

"_Stella," the kids said at the same time._

"_Your dad told you?" They nodded. "And I'm sure you've figured out that she isn't your mom."_

"_Of course."_

"_We aren't ignoramus; we know what our mom's name is."_

"_Right, well, she ends up leaving your dad at the altar-"_

"_Barney, no spoilers!" Ted interrupted._

"_They knew you two were gonna break up eventually," Barney said in defence, but resigned to not say anything more concerning the identity of Ted's wife and, raising his hands, said, "Fine, I won't say anything more; promise. So anyhow I finished my phone call with Stella when I saw Robin coming down the street and said..."_

--

**Flash to the night of the bachelor party outside of MacLarens, Barney sees Robin coming down the street towards MacLarens...**

--

"Robin, hey, what's up?" He coolly asked.

"I was just coming to see if you guys were at the bar; I wanted to tell you: I'm not going to Japan," she cheerfully explained.

"Right, I got your note on that. So what gives? They turn you down when they found out you were Canadian?" Barney joked.

"No, I just decided not to go."

"Just like that?" Barney frowned, whilst Robin nodded. "But you were so excited to go before; you said this was your chance to talk about real news and do something important."

--

"_It wasn't, but at the time she thought it was," Barney noted._

"_In my defence it was your fault I applied, partially. Anyways, the reason I almost didn't go happened a little earlier that day when Lily was helping me pack everything up. She and Marshall were still living in that apartment, they moved out to their new place about a week after I came back to New York. So since your dad, Barney and Marshall were out having a bachelor party, we made a night out of it," she said, her Canadian accent slipping in when she said 'out' so it sounded a bit like 'oot'. Barney smiled at her when she did and made a mental note to tease her about _– aboot – it later.

--

**Flash to Lily and Robin packing Robin's New York stuff for Japan...**

--

"You want some wine?" Lily asked heading for the kitchen while carefully walking around the dispersed carton boxes, some half filled and some still empty.

"Sure," Robin replied carrying a box out of her room.

"What's in there?" Lily asked upon returning with two glasses of wine.

"Just some stuff that I'm gonna trash."

"Like what?"

"Just some old photos, my coffee cup from Metro News one, you know, junk."

"You're going to throw out pictures? Why would you do that?" Lily snatched the box away from Robin and sifted through it until she found three thick envelopes filled with pictures.

"The way I see it, these are the things that weigh you down. Nothing personal but they don't really serve any purpose, they just take up space. Besides they're just a few pictures." Lily tossed her a look.

"A few pictures? You got three envelopes with over two dozen pictures in each."

"Calm down, Lily, if you want I'll give you the negatives." Lily gave her another disapproving and frightening look. "Or you could just take them."

"Fine, I will."

--

"_And that's how I got the material which lead to the goat incident," Barney said. Ted's kids looked to their uncle in confusion. "Your dad didn't get to that part, did he?" They shook their heads. "Oh, sorry, Robin, go on."_

"_Right, well, Lily and I were packing and then we started to talk about me going to Japan, Ted's upcoming marriage, her new home and as the night went on we both started to get a little scared. And eventually we go to the point where..."_

--

"I don't want to move to that crooked smelly apartment!" Lily cried out.

"It won't be so bad, sure you and Marshall have a lot of work to do but you two are going to make a lovely home together and, and... and I don't want to go to Japan! I'll be all alone, I don't know the language, they'll mock my American ways!"

"But you're Canadian."

"North American, Lily, North American. I don't even have any good pictures of you guys!" Lily offered her a hug and one of the envelopes filled with photos. "No, those pictures suck. I put the best ones on a USB drive and they're the pictures that you keep giving me."

--

"_We panicked for a while..."_

--

"It's a black hole where dreams go to die!"

--

"_...but eventually managed to calm down."_

--

"Oh, so you really aren't going to go to Japan?" Robin shook her head.

"And you really aren't going to move to your new apartment? You guys bought it already, plus the renovations should be finished in a week or so."

"Yeah... and Marshall..." Lily said finding comfort about the black hole by thinking of her husband. "I don't know..."

"Well I do", Robin said determined.

"But you already gave up your other job", Lily pointed out fretfully.

"I'll just get another." She shrugged. "How hard could it be? I'm gonna go tell the guys, they're downstairs right?" Lily nodded, taking a sip of her wine while Robin headed out the door.

--

"_So I went to the bar, couldn't find anyone, wrote Barney the note because I figured he'd be the first one there and then Lily and I went out to celebrate me not going to Japan; but she got called away to some kindergarten emergency. That's when I met up with Barney again."_

--

"So you just quit?" She had been so excited about the job a few hours ago, "What happened?"

"Well Lily and I started talking and uh... I just can't." Barney observed her, frowning.

"You just can't?"

"Yup, I mean no. I - I don't want to go to Japan." Robin stammered.

"But..." She had been smiling all week, talking about the weird food she'll have to adjust to and asking him to teach her some of the language ever since she got the job; and now she didn't want to go? "But you were so excited", he said, concern it his voice.

"Well, I just... Lily and I were... the black hole was... Japan is far! It is really far away! I don't know anyone there, I don't know the language. Did I mention it was far?" Barney knew it was far. It was very far, way too far away. She was going to move half a world away and now...

"You should go."

"What?"

"You want to go, you'll regret it if you don't." She would, he knew she would. "You're scared. Everyone gets scared."

"But I don't want to-"

"Yes you do."

--

"_We sat down on the steps and talked for about 15 minutes. Finally he convinced me to give it a try." Robin said, recalling the memory. She smiled and looked to Barney. "You were really sweet about that, you know?"_

"_Yeah, well... You deserve it." He smiled back and shrugged._

"_Right..." He said mockingly before his sister elbowed him. "Hey!"_

"_Ignore him. I think it's kind of romantic, you telling the woman you were madly in love with to leave the country for her own good." Barney turned from the kids as Robin also looked awkwardly away. "Like that old black and white movie, what was it called?"_

"_Which one?"_

"_The one with the plane scene at the end, Casse-oh-blanche or something..."_

"_Casablanca?" their father asked._

"_That's the one!"_

"_Whatever, I think this story has taken a major detour."_

"_Major Detour," his sister saluted. "Damnit. See what's happened now?"_

"_I literally totally forgot about that. We should start that again!" Robin said excited._

"_Hmnn no, let's not," Barney responded. "It is sickeningly annoying; and by that I mean it's contagiously. To the absolute."_

"_Did you just say to the absolute?"_

"_All the kids are saying it Ted, seriously, ketchup."_

"_You mean catch up."_

"_No, ket-chup. Seriously," he scoffed._


End file.
